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Really long line of green stuff

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 17:03:21
FAT
FAT

I feel fat today. I've been staying at my parents place... as planned however, the trip came about somewhat prematurely after yet another altercation found me in my car alone in the middle of West End. Grrr I jumped on the scales... they read 71kg. Which scales are correct? Or have I just put weight back on?? I don't know and am afraid that I have. I've eaten nothing but raw fruit and veg (with some cheese) since being here... although I have eaten larger quantities than normal. Maybe I'm retaining fluid from the cheese??? ??? Either way I swear my stomach has been bigger and it is doing Michelin type things tonight. I looked "big" in the mirror tonight. It is seriously stressing me out... *stresses* Maybe it is all in my head....

Don't really feel like writing just need to express the stress of weight.



Mood: Highly Agitated Highly Agitated


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Thursday, April 19, 2007 15:45:56
A Web Cam!
A Web Cam

Launch in external player

Look out! I got my very own Web Cam today! :-D I got a $100 David Jones gift voucher for my birthday last year and I thought that it was time to use it! Instead of buying something useful, like a waterproof watch, I decided that I'd use it on something that I wouldn't buy myself. So... $99.95 later... I have a Logictech QuickCam Communicate STX! (I'll show you all a nice pic in a later blog entry!

Anyway, as you can see, I've had a bit of fun with it and made my first video! It has some funky little special effects features as well that I can use.... the result of some play produced an image of me that even I found repulsive... Place your mouse on the image below to experience true feralty!



Mood: Amused Amused


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


*Thursday, April 19, 2007 09:53:54
Dangerous Games
Dangerous Games

A few too many lines crossed at a dangerous time... Manipulative control freak. I'm not sure that I really even care anymore. A final nail in the coffin for the half empty bed... That's enough games for one year. Now is just establishing a course of action. Why would you??? Hmmm... words mean nothing when said by some people it seems. Maybe the actions will speak much louder. A change for the best...

Quote of year:

It is important to remember when sending your apologises through a text message to type the word sorry in full. Sorry is a five letter word and shortening it to soz, sori or anything along those lines is disrespectful.



Mood: Sickened Sickened
Music: How to Save a Life - The Fray (In my head) Black Eyed Peas


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Wednesday, April 18, 2007 20:25:54
Messes
Messes

Have you ever got yourself into one big twisted mess because you didn't have the balls to stand up to someone and played the stupid game just to protect their feelings??? If the answer is no.... DON'T EVER BE STUPID ENOUGH TO DO SO!!!! |-(

I'm in a mess that I've just made a lot bigger. At some point it is going to bite me on the a$$ and I'm not going to know what to do with myself. This is one of those moments where I just feel sick thinking about it.... I just want to achieve what I want and then it doesn't matter. I thought there was only one way that the string could unravel... but there seems there was more than one. Perhaps it isn't string.. perhaps it is a wooly jumper. The more holes that I try and patch up... the more fragile the whole thing gets. There is going to be one nasty string in there that is just going to see it turn into on big pile of wool... a long thin one.... :-o

The lease finally came today. We have seven days to sign and respond. They have put the rent up from $280 to $300..... The Energex bill is now the Origin bill.... To top it all off... the electoral commission guy came and poked us... But... I got new shoes yesterday. I can't remember what brand they are to even find a pic, but they are baby blue and funky. They even have sparkly bits. Probably the most I've ever paid for a pair of sneakers too... I got a few pairs of new socks to go with it too...

Gosh, I don't even want to exist right now... I swear this must be all my fault.



Mood: Eeeeuurgh Eeeeuurgh
Music: Don't Lie - Black Eyed Peas (In my head) Black Eyed Peas


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Sunday, April 15, 2007 14:53:07
Grading Day
Grading Day

Today was the culmination of four months of long hard work. :-) I had my first students for assessment today! I had been happy as by Friday night I had made my final decision as to who should go for assessment and who needed more time and their performances showed me just that. Today, the two brothers graded through to red belt. I was quite excited about that as they have trained hard and definately earned their colours. Another of my shared students also obtained their red belt and two of the younger kids went to blue belt. My adult did not get the same free ride. :-( I find the attitude about only being on their first assessment, quite disappointing. We'll try again soon.

I love grading days. They are full of fun and excitement. I was so proud of my boys, they trained so well. What was even better was that one of my good friends made 1st kyu. That was a truely moving experience. I just felt so proud of her as she was training better than ever. If her confidence matched her ability... unstoppable! ;-)

So with all these freshly graded students, I have some new projects to get on to. I can't wait!!

Last night after watching Cirque Du Soleil's Quidam on DVD, we went out to South Bank and dined at Kapsali Greek Taverna. That was just awesome!!! We happened to be walking by when the live entertainment was performing Zorba's Dance. The food was unreal too! That would have to be the best and most filling Greek Salad I've ever had. We are talking REAL olives with fetta cheese, tomatos, lettuce, lemon, capsicum, cucumber with some kind of sweet and salty dressing! The place was fantastic and so well captured what Greece is all about. Those people know how to party. It's times like these that I regret never having learned the language properly. But, I've decided that come November, I am going to organise a dinner party there! :-D Did I mention that watching those guys dancing would have have to be hottest thing that I have seen in AGES!!! :-o

Dinner was followed by a crisis of youth... There I am wondering if I've really done enough before entering the constricts of shift work. I had an idea that I might do a course and actually learn Greek... because all that ever comes to my mind is Japanese. I had a thought that I might like to go holidaying in Greece or live there for a while. *sigh* Where are all the people that would enjoy the sound of live, loud Greek entertainment? Who would enjoy jumping on the dance floor on learning some Greek dance for laughs. That restaurant would be great place to get drunk. As we walked outside there were the sounds of screams coming from one of those boats that cruise around the river. I think it might have been the Kookaburra Queen or something like that... I felt a little lost... I felt like I was lacking a whole lot of fun in my life. How did I miss out on all the parties where people scream and shout and sing out loud? Where were the parties with the friends that I feel comfortable with enough to express myself???

Last night I really felt the gap in interests and age. I love Greek music and a little craziness... I've would like to still go out and have fun. Sentiments unshared.... Am I just looking for things???

I might spend my hospital placement at my parents place..

Neighbours

In the meantime... enjoy Neighbours by Eyezmaze



Mood: Lost Lost


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Saturday, April 14, 2007 11:12:28
Contemplation
Contemplation

I'm feeling so tired... *yawn* I'm at home but I'm working. Today I got assigned PTS at the local station and being a Saturday, there is not a whole lot to do other than wait for the dialysis patients to finish up... after three or four hours. I decided that hanging around at station wasn't any fun so I grabbed the complex gate remote and came home to wait for the next jobs. So far I've been hear for about three hours... I expect that I will receive some indication of what is happening soon. *lurks around uselessly*

It has provided me with some motivation to clean down the benches and take care of the washing, hanging and the few dishes that I needed to do and put away. I even got the towels done and cleaned up my study. I have a bit of uni work to do which I have been procrastinating about... But at the moment I could do with a big long nap! *looks embarassed*

Mentally, I am in a bit of a strange place at the moment. I know the lease is coming up and this will be my bargaining tool for the future. I am on some kind of path but I don't really know for sure where it is headed. I am quietly confident however... Which is particularly strange given that I don't know where it is that I am going yet...

DISAPPOINTMENT +++++ :-( A few weeks ago we arranged to go and see the Kransky Sisters tonight, which I was greatly looking forward to.. However, due to the brilliance of modern technology, the tickets didn't end up being bought and so we were to make alternative arrangements of general fun tonight. Unfortunately, our partner in crime has fallen ill... illness Being ill is never a nice thing and I don't lay blame or anything like that but I feel sooooooo disappointed. I am so much craving contact with people that I really do enjoy the company of... Tonight was a night I was looking forward to for ages and even arranged to have this patient transport shift so that I could keep tonight open. Seems my efforts were wasted. What an anitclimax... :'-(

I was gonna talk about the grading tomorrow and my class etc.. but I've lost all motivation now... I'm going to go sulk and write out flash cards for Ceftriaxone instead.



Mood: Disappointed Disappointed


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Thursday, April 12, 2007 17:51:05
This Week...
This Week...

This week has really stuffed up my diet plans. I know I won't have lost any extra weight and I am almost afraid I put some back on... we shall see. :-S It has been one that has been full of work which will mean a huge pay when it does come around! That will have me well and truely set for my prac block! (Why is it everyone wants to hold social acitivities during the six weeks I've got prac on the days that I have off???) Anyway, I did discover by accident that I actually didn't get paid for my previous fortnight. I was wondering why the figures were so low... it didn't quite make sense. Fortunately, the problem has been rectified and I will probably have it bundled with my mega pay! $$$$

Well the big thing for the weekend was being able to catch up with three of my school friends. :-D We had such the greatest time being stuffed full of food by Jo's mother and driving around to pick up Amy with Liling's navigational skills, beeping the gate open and going where not little Colt has gone before... off road!! Technically it was just in the front grass to see Amy's sheep but that would wreck the illusion.. :-P I had such a great time and had many laughs as we talked about various things... whether it be memories from school, work related issues or Jo's pet hates (all gazillion of them). I have really missed being around people that I can identify with and have a similar sense of humour. I also have to admit that I had the nasty empty feeling after I dropped Amy back to her place. :-( I miss having friends...

Grow Nano V.2

So, I conquered another of the Eyezmaze minigames. This one is a really, really simply one... there were only so many combinations to choose from. So, enjoy GROW nano vol.2



Mood: Strange Strange
Music: Take That Patience - Robbie Williams (In my head) Jamelia


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Friday, April 06, 2007 10:35:01
Ouch...
Ouch...

I don't know why I am upset... I can't get a handle on the logic or justification for that one... *sniffle* My own fault. I should have made plans rather than leave it to the last minute. :-( My family is not home... on Good Friday??? My sister is out. All I wanted to do is see them. All I wanted to do was share some time with them and talk about all the things coming up for me. I wanted to show off my slimmer figure and new hair (even if it has gone and exploded because I went to bed with it wet last night). Now I am stuck here... in this dirty dingy house... feeling low... contemplating the housework....

Ouch...



Mood: Gutted Gutted
Music: Something About You - Jamelia (In my head) Jamelia


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Thursday, April 05, 2007 22:38:59
The Feel Good Factor

Tonight was a good night of training. I think the more focused effort is starting to pay off a little bit. Admittedly it wasn't the hardest of classes but it went well and I was in a good mood. I think the caramel slice (small but heavenly) might had something to do with it though! lol

I found myself a new challenge... Our senior instructor is very much into these combinations where motion is multidirectional... although usually that is just forward and backward. Anyway, I am not used to changing directions in the way that he does... A new challenge for me to conquer! Funny, I even heard myself thinking about how I would like to do more of those combinations so I can get better at them.

The highlight of my night was doing kata. :-) It was good to work on our grade katas, but at a pace that suited me... There are a few things which are clicking together a little better now too. The big highlight of course was the "demonstration"! Sensei was wanting people to demonstrate kata at the end. Of course, noone volunteered so it became a random selection process. He picked one guy standing alone... although in my half of the room, not anywhere that was justifiably near me. Yet, I felt so exposed. I had that feeling like I was going to get picked and I'm there thinking "Don't pick me. Don't pick me. Don't pick me. Maybe if I am not looking, he won't pick me...". That strategy failed. I heard my name and after the look of "OMG!!!" and underlying panic, I made a point to respond loudly and step up to the plate.

I was trying to choose a kata to "demonstrate". I didn't want to go lower but I knew I wasn't ready to go higher. I knew that my sepai wasn't strong enough to go showing off and so, despite its reputation for lack of presentability, I did my second grading kata, hangetsu. It was awesome! ;-) I somehow managed to get into the zone and did most of it pretty strongly and was able to phase out everyone else in the room. Although I felt that it was less than perfect, for the most part, I am not complaining. However, on my last turn I fumbled a little and suddenly the focus drained out and the nervousness kicked in big time. The crescent kick to the hand came out really week and unsteady - so much so, it was just a little tap on my palm. My brain is going "PUNCH HARD! PUNCH HARD!", trying to redeem the last two moves with a strong punch and class finish which I think I did manage.

I felt really good afterwards. It was great to know that I was actually capable of phasing it out... on the flip side, that I was also capable of getting so nervous my muscles lose all power. :-O

The great part was having people come up afterwards and tell me that I did a really good kata. That was really sweet and left me on a high! :-D

Ya know... I think I will leave it there while I've got the warm fuzzies. I'd rather focus on the good stuff right now!



Mood: Happy Happy


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


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