Feeling borderline tantrum like at the moment... These huge mood swings are driving me nothing short of batty. I wonder if it is just me or maybe it is both of us... I don't know. What I do know is that currently logic and reason are not a prime feature in the equasion at the moment. If there was Saturday night karate, I would be going. If there was someone else in the universe actually home and unoccupied with their own issues right now, I would go there. Not sure how else to relieve my frustration right now... In fact, I just want to get out of the house.

So I've reached Friday.. my last week day of holidays. I've actually done a class plan for tonight! The boy has decided to do a no show for tonight so I'm stuck with both classes. I haven't done 2nd class for quite some time and I generally have come to feel uneasy with taking the class. However, with some inspiring music courtesy of friend's MySpace, I have come up with a reasonable class plan. Hopefully, everything will go well...

Loving training at the moment. I feel so damn good with all that pressure gone! Everything is just clicking and working. This is such a contrast to last time. I like to feel like I deserve the belt that I am wearing!

Sunday is the tournament and I'm looking forward to it, even if I am not competing or able to get out to do some judging or refereeing. Working the admin table is a very intensely busy activity but I get to see all the results and have a free feed for the day and usually some nice reward for devoting my time there too. I bought a new GKR polo to match with my fellow admin tabler. Looks like I got one of the new ones though... which looks funky... but leaves me a little bit *cough* *cough* about the general quality. I'm sure the old ones weren't see through... Ah well... at least I've got one now.

Found out that the we have someone new taking us for uni this semester. They are nice enough, at least, I feel relaxed doing scenarios and OSCEs in front of them. I can't help but wonder if this change was because of all the that went down last semester about our assessment. I hope not. I have noticed that all the due dates and expected availability dates for our assessment are already listed on the blackboard site.... Oh well... it will be interesting if nothing else...

Probably time for another quiz

You should have grown up during the fifties You like simpler times when you could go to the malt shop with your sweetie and park down on lover’s lane. You also like change and imagining your bright future. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

I didn't realise how long it has been since I've updated. Perhaps because I posted on MySpace instead... So I guess I'll do things the cheaters way...

Written 12/07/07 with assoc. mood of tired :

Question of the day: Describe a situation where you were called upon unexpectedly to help another person solve a problem in an unfamiliar environment.

It has been a hectic week so far! Visiting my parents, training, getting ready for my interview, single day round trip to Victoria and involving myself in some pre-grading fun!

I have spent a number of weeks gearing up for this grading and then the Victorian interview firmly landed in the way of that. Not that is been and done, Saturday is now the focus of my attention and I am slowly but surely getting more and more nervous. I shouldn't really be.. I actually feel like I am performing where I need to be this time around but I just a little scared of what this grading/seminar-in-disguise will involve. Having said that, I am looking forward to it all the same. Shodan is an accomplishment that I will be proud of and have worked hard to get in many senses.

Yesterday was an awesome day. Victoria is a pretty place... so much open space, it is gorgeous! Bit cooler down in Ballarat but nothing unbearable. Going into Ballarat was like stepping back in time - all the modern stores in these old buildings. Even the train had the old signals still in place. I also couldn't believe how wide the streets are... you could get lost just crossing the road! The interview itself went reasonably well! The first and last part ran pretty much according to textbook. The middle was more of that Behavioural Descriptive Interviewing which was hard enough the last time.. somehow the questions felt trickier this time. The question of the day was my least appreciated question and I am not even sure I really answered the question in all its components. However, I think I generally covered the basis with all other questions so it will just be bit of a waiting game in the mean time.

Today the primary point of excitement was being able to pick up my new embroidered belt! They've done a really good job and even spelt my name the actual correct way!! *insert much jumping up and down with happiness here* I am very much look forward to being able to wear it! Now with my ironed gi... I'm all set... just got to get through Saturday now. BRING IT ON!!!

Written 15/07/07 with assoc. mood of accomplished :

Yesterday was grading day for me! I have said that I've trained hard to get to this point however, not hard enough! My body was making big complaints to me very early on... although part of that way psychological and part of that was also overdoing it to early, despite my best efforts not to! It has been a long time since my legs have felt that dead that it has been a physically impossible for me to get my knee up high to do kicks. Overall, the grading seemed quite short - although as usual, we started late. I also felt that I improved as I went along which was another good thing. Can also honestly say to myself that I trained as hard as I could and feel good for it too.

I was having trouble with the combinations because I felt tired. My legs were just dead as... I felt like I was performing absolutely terribly and not just the usual dodginess. Everyone else said that I was looking really good though *shrugs*. The important thing was that I didn't let it beat me and continued to improve even in my own self critical eyes.

Got to have a good spar with one of the RMs too. He beat me all over the floor and even swept me at one point too but I did enjoy it and I managed to get a few in on him too, not included the ones where I've punched hard and found air! I have such a good time going hard - really lifts my performance and I feel great too. Was even surprised to get some positive feedback. He told me that I had done really well and was very strong... which is a huge contrast to basically being told that I spar like a girl.

This time around things are reversed to the last time. Last time I didn't feel like I was performing at shodan-ho level but felt that I deserved to grade based on my performance on grading day. This time around, I feel like I AM performing at shodan level but didn't think I fully deserved to grade based on my entire performance for the day. I think that is actually a better way to be as I will avoid feel like a fraud for a number of months.

Anyway, I am proud to have finally acheived my long term goal and will post pictures when I get my hands on some.

This morning I woke up and realised that I had moved onto the next phase.. which happened to be acceptance. Doing a round trip to Victoria seemed doable and not really all that scary - finding day parking at the airport and catching a taxi at Ballarat seemed to be about as challenging as it got. But as of about half an hour ago, I detected another change. Nervousness. However, I suppose it is better than the dread feeling that I had yesterday.

Today has been a productive day otherwise. I went in to uni and fixed up my "Portfolio of Paramedic Practice" which didn't take any where near as long as I had expected. I have reached the stage where I am not really satisfied with it.. but just like the day before the exam, I am not into doing anymore than needed to prevent mental saturation. Other than that I headed of shopping and made a few good purchases!

• Toaster - Our other one was being stupid for a while and finally decided to break. So I got us a new Kambrook KT100 with extra deep and wide slots. Looks pretty snazzy actually.
  
• Bathroom Scales - Another object that was underperforming in our house. The scales needed zeroing before just about every use and I had suspicion it was not giving accurate readings. Turns out I was right... So.. we now have a set of digital scales that just scream of professionalism.
  
• Super Glue - One of those things that my other half has been meaning to buy forever but keeps forgetting...
  
• Cumquats - As a kid, even though I wasn't allowed for some obscure reason, I used to pick these off the tree in the backyard and suck the life out of them. When I saw them on sale, I couldn't help but buy! They are funny to eat as the rind is sort of bitter but the juice inside is insense and sourish... almost like a mix between grapefruit and lemon!
  
• Blue Vein Cheese - *Drools* I love the taste of blue vein cheese... just a small block for fun!

I also picked up some really nice cherries, long needed light bulbs, a 9V for our smoke alarm and some sporty drinks for Saturday. Yes.. I am feeling accomplished today!

We got to bed at about 3am.... Even though I've only had about 6 hours of sleep, I feel a whole lot better. This is largely attributed to the fact that for the first time in quite a while, I enjoyed a very deep sleep! It is very refreshing to feel totally alive and awake today!

So... I finally caved to the MySpace revolution and decided to take a different mindset i.e. that I am being more versatile by having one of these suckers. I'm actually quite impressed with how it looks... even if it is rather empty still. You can find my MySpace here. Due to the more publicly personal nature of that paticular site, I will not be accepting friend requests from anyone that I do not know in person... Sorry!

ROFLMAO! @ Jo.... My other half is listening to the songs on MySpace that I've put there... which includes the crazy organ song... Saikai Chi To Bara by Malice Mizer - a song that will always remind me of the organ player at graduation!

Anyway, the scary but exciting news is that my interview has been moved forward to next Wednesday. Admittedly, it has left me feeling stressed as it means I will be getting closer to having to make one of those nasty decisions that I would rather not do...

Feeling a bit on the down side tonight. I'd really just like to go out and have some fun with friends... Like good luck on State of Origin night.. Am I the only one who doesn't give a about football?? Yay! Feel better already... I have a friend on MSN and a bottle by my side which is all too effect when I've not eaten in a few hours.

Anyway, I think it is all really well related to my really screwed up sleep cycle and junkie food that I've been having in the past couple of days. I went to work this morning with about 3.5 hours of sleep under my belt. Hopefully, by the way I'm feeling now, I'll sleep through the night and it will all be good. Next week I have to be 100% disciplined with my food pregrading. Speaking of which... I should be hearing back about my belt soon! Can't wait to get that over... however, I have bigger things on my plate at the moment.

Got a call on Monday from Hudson in regards to my interview. At the moment it looks like it will be happening for me between the 16th and 19th of this month. The idea is that I fly down in the morning, catch a 1.5hr bus trip from Melbourne to Ballarat for the interview and then catch that bus back to Melbourne and then hop on a flight home. This all seems a really scary and huge tasks. This is going to be one of those personal challenges as I've never done a single day interstate trip... that and I'll have to be all dressed up for all that time and brave the . Somehow makes the black belt grading look irrelevant.

All that is concerning me is that the guy said he'd send off an email to me about possible dates and the address to send my academic results seeing the wonderful Brisbane people didn't keep their word. The problem is... no email to be seen. He did say they were still sorting things out because it something difficult to coordinate and then they are going to be reimbursing the travel expenses.

In other news... my Portfolio of Evidence has returned itself to the assignment minder... I might go pick it up on Friday...