Well I managed to get a third entry in for the month of October! It is the day before my first end of semester exam and I am a little nervous. My stress level was greatly severed after I actually sat down and start some revision. I can happily say that I've made eight pages of revision notes and diagrams. I've been unable to do much for the Research Methods stuff because I have difficulty cross-contaminating my learning. I do best when I focus on one subject area. Though I am feeling that there must be a whole lot that I actually have missed. They said they would be using our tutorial presentation to create the exams - that concerns me a touch. A lot of the information within those tutorials were drag and dump jobs from technical sources. That is very difficult to study. Even now my brain ticks over on things that I might need to know...

On the bright side... I got an email about my Res Methods assignment and I went to collect today. It was covered with pencil markings but end result was 89/100. Brian goes, "90 would have been better", but I have to be happy with that considering I left it so late to get it together and submit. 89% is pretty good. Part of me is very happy though. The comments left were also quite inspiring. Generally the external students didn't do as well as the internal students and I can totally understand why. I would have much preferred to the do the subject internally... even if it meant that we had to the assignment in groups.

So my little motivations for karate have sparked again.. I want to train! I am thinking to take up a class on Monday or Tuesday somewhere randomly that I can just do some basics and feel good about myself. Thining to schedule my Tuesday nights so I can land a particular instructor who makes us do a bit of running too. What do I know now? The assessment class will not be for instructors. That means that I will have to show my stuff on Thursday nights, starting this week. I am so excited to train and get into it all. I am peaking and things are coming together... and jeez after seven years they should be! Last Thursday just a little bit more clicked... and I love the feeling! Kind of buggered a bit about the fact that I will need to miss tonight and tomorrow in order to study for Wednesday but ah well...

Here's to happy about life!!!

Ouch! I feel nervous... So I've realised exams are next week and my study prep has been totally inadequate. That's only part of the story. I already knew that without some great big revelation and that wasn't enough to bump me off the ledge. What did cause me to hyperventilate amost until sick was the news of the black belt grading. Hyperventilation is not something I normally do.. in fact, prior to starting the paramedics course, I'd never done it before - I kind of learned how to by playing patient. Anyways, the instructor email came out and there is an assessment during the coloured belt grading for November and there is the expectation that all potential gradees will attend all Thursday senior classes for November.

What makes it difficult is that I have no idea if that applies also to instructors... I know the senior class bit will but not sure about the assessment. I also don't know if those considered to be eligible have been invited as yet or not or if I have any chance of being in that category. At this stage I also don't know who I can talk to see if the invitational phone calls have gone out like last time or if there are going to be any this time or if it will all be done through senior class. Argh... this is nasty.

I feel like I am hitting a fantastic peak... but this was also how I felt two years ago when things didn't work out. I fear losing motivation and going through the complete confidence cop-out that I did last time... nor do I want to say that I will have been training for eight years and it has taken 28 months for me to get from shodan-ho to shodan. I am going to be going off my head for ages now... I think it will be senior training for me twice per week to try and prove my worth... I can only hope!

Suppose I should just go enjoy taco night now!

I'm still not entirely sure why I started an October page because at this rate it will be November before I write again! Today has been such a wonderful day - the whether has been perfect, I've felt energised and just so happy! I managed to get a few things done while not doing much at all. I know the next few weeks are going to be a bit stressful with upcoming exams so I thought it might be a good idea to give myself today off. Nothing quite like discovering you could only answer three question on the previous year's exam for a unit you've meant to have studied!

Last night was my first night back at senior training for the first time in just over two months and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it! I felt physically good and technically good so I came away quite well inspired. Fortunately we didn't do too much leg work or I would have been in some trouble as even some simple front kicks for warming up were causing me some hassles. That will just take time I guess... My big focus is the next black belt grading which is rumoured to be in December. I am really psyched for that to happen as I am feeling things are working well and even better after a break. It has also provided me with a goal to work towards. The frightening part is that there may actually not be a grading.. knowing how well the system has run in the past and that I may find myself disappointed. I may find myself disappointed anyway if my instructor decides that my silent absence (of which they were forewarned) was not working for them. That would perhaps leave me floundering like what happened last time... we shall see. I am hoping that a lot of hard training and some twice weekly training attendance will do the trick to get me through.

Today I rediscovered my ?first or ?second website that I ever made. I have included some miniature screen shots for fun... I did a pretty good job considering I basically taught myself and I was in either grade seven or eight at the time!

It is back to night shift again so I will call it there I think.