It's a Blog! Wow!
Really long line of green stuff

Thursday, April 27, 2006 17:52:23
'That Time of Year...'
That Time of Year...

Clearly it must be the time of year where everything just goes nuts... I've come to feel a lot better about our future situation as I know it will come in time.. things may be a tad tricky for the in between stages. This afternoon I got home to find my father on the phone.. this of course meant something major given that my parents treat the phone like it has ebola! lol Apparently, the owners have the rental people coming in for an evaluation of the property... not just one... a whole team. My parents of course have taken this to be like the sign from God and gone into Ice Age dodo mode where they have to act now to save themselves. The lease is not up until September so there is some time of the owners are going to sell but they are going potty all the same. Strangely enough, that has made me feel a tad edgy because this is supposed to be my stable home before we move out together...

So the future seems uncertain in many different ways. I don't know where I will be in six months... and I don't even know where my parents will be.. I know I should have a new home with my boy by the end of the month though... Yay!

Random quiz time seeing I don't feel like discussing things any further

You Passed 8th Grade Science
Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!
Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?


Mood: A Little Agitated A Little Agitated


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Monday, April 24, 2006 17:55:06
'Multi-dimensional Drain'
Multi-dimensional Drain

It's been a long weekend. House hunting did not go as well as planned. The first two places within the one complex were not really great... a little two small, the house was revolting, the other houes was amazing but unavailable for another three weeks and the amazing townhouse that did apply for... ended with a rejection. :-( To be honest I was really quite upset at that cause it was a really nice place. A '03 townhouse with 3 decent sized bedrooms, air con downstairs and up in the master bedroom (which also had ensuite), all with built ins, Foxtel and ADSL availability, backyard maintainence included and ten minutes from Fruit Grove station. The complex had a large block of land attached with ducks and a little pond (which they called a dam) and also a swimming pool. It was a nice place that felt pretty right. Though I had this feeling it wasn't going to be ours... :-( I really felt that we could have acted faster and got the place and been a little more agressive with our management..oh well..

I guess the thing that gets me the most is that everything is now so open again. I've really wanted this move to happen... I am just so scared that it won't and it will all just disappear or something like that... I am too scared to sort my stuff out in case it doesn't happen... I just don't see how this will work given that next weekend is the final clean up and move out. Where are we going to get the time to look at places again? When am I even going to get to see him if he's at his parent's place? Am I the only one seeing the logistical difficulties here? ??? Ergh I just feel so frustrated and burried. This whole process is distracting and I've got uni to go to and prac and assignments and I've barely done my flash cards. !!! Why the heck can't things just work already?????



Mood: Tired Tired and Frustrated Frustrated


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


*Friday, April 21, 2006 09:47:37
'How Bloody Difficult Do You Want to Be???'
How Blood Difficult Do You Want to Be???

I rang seven different agents thins morning and I could only get into one place. Only one! The eighth place my babe managed to get into. One place already had an approved application, one place was an elderly guy with no phone skill who only did inspections during the week, one was unsure of the availability if the place (What?), one said the waiting list was too long and they were not accepting any more applications, another was alread rented, another block of villas was already gone so the next block was not available until May and the final one was taking the tennants to court so the property was being taken of the list. Say what? How difficult does it want to be? My mother has this grand theory that real estate agents don't talk to women... *sigh* How screwed up is this!!??



Mood: Aggravated Aggravated


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Thursday, April 20, 2006 16:41:44
'Busy-ness!'
Busy-ness

This is the most that I have written my journal in ages! It's been good to have some home time though it's been going on by! I am pleased with my discipline with my assignment work too. If all goes according to plan then I will have completed all my assignment well before the due date! Yay! Yay! Today I was meant to get started on the Epidemiology assignment but that didn't end up happening as I had to go back and fix up the Matrix (yes I bothered to read the "let's just tell you how to do it" email) and then finalised all my references for the CVA assignment. I got onto the AMI assignment but rewording and restructuring things took a bit longer than I had expected! :-o I managed to get a motherload of references in which is also great. I have no idea whether they come from refereed journals or what so I am just hoping that what I have is enough to cover the six that I needed. I think I used the right database for it anyway. So now I need to find one or two other journals and finalise the references tomorrow and maybe try and cut down the word limit... I'm about 100 words over at the moment. lol Seriously though, it is hard to show an understanding without speaking about it!

Got a call today from the RM. He's a very sharp and open-minded too. He picked up on my distress and figured I was sick... Well I wasn't sick but I couldn't really breathe either. This medication is almost run out and it's not helping so I am thinking I may not bother trying to get another one. My next doctor appointment isn't until the 2nd of May. Anyway, from what I can tell it seems that what I did do ok I did quite well. I have a grading goal for the end of the year and I am just sooooooooooo excited!! :-D Eeeeeee! Oh I know the perfect emoticon for this but I just don't have it!!! Anyways... :-)

House house house! Hahah! lol Today I would like to recommend an awesome program to everyone. It is called DelinvFile... short for Delete Invalid File. I recently discovered two PDF files which for some obscure reason I could not open, rename, overwrite, move or even delete. I did virus scans and scan disks and tried using multiple programs to remove them but nothing would work... and then I found Delete Invalid File. Apparently sometimes you can enter weird invisible characters or spaces on the end of file names and some programs can deal with that and others can't. When that happens you end up with files like my PDFs... This program doesn't required you to open the file to delete it (how other programs were mean to work to delete an unopenable file is beyond me) and it removes it by the DOS shortened name. Select the file, hit delete and it's all gone! Woohoo! If you want to just be able to rename the file you have to pay the registration but I have to say that I was pretty happy just to see the stupid files gone!! Oh and it also does folders! *wink* So here it is: Delete Invalid File



Mood: Happy Happy


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Wednesday, April 19, 2006 12:13:26
'Late Start'
Late Start

Today I woke up rather late. I had intended to get some sleep but perhaps not quite so much. I have two assignments left to do... one that requires some research and the other that I am not sure at all how to do and I am quite well aware about my ability to procrastinate with both! :-P So apart from getting up late and looking at some photos, I also tidied and spring cleaned all six of be desk drawers... which is quite easy considering two of them are empty and the remainder and still largely unused from the last time that I moved. Having said that, I have at least one box full of junk in my room under the TV and the top sections of my dresser also come under the category! :-o And there two random piles of things on my desk which I know I will have great difficulty throwing out that I am pretending don't exist right now. lol

Spent yesterday and got two of my assignments done or very close to being done. Just a few finishing touches and it should all be good. *thumbs up* Unfortunately, I have also discovered a corrupted file which I can't open, can't move, can't overwrite and can't delete. :-% Not impressed! Last night's training was not really all that good either. We got pushed harder than I've been pushed for a while and my lungs just seemed to give up on me. We barely did anything and they were stinging like mad! Somehow I suspect that the Seretide is actually just making things worse.. I am beginning to think it was easier to just pretend that the problem was never there... *sigh*

Anyway, time for a quiz... this one has been waiting for a long time to get put up as it has been living on my USB disk!


How evil are you?


Mood: Great Great


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Tuesday, April 18, 2006 10:38:16
'A Long Weekend!'
A Long Weekend

It's been a long weekend. Not just for the fact that most people have had four days off, but for all the events which have taken place. I've been to training two and half times, been at state team, played games, chilled, partied, studied and even visted around. In general things seem to happen all at once. I suspect that might be a good thing...especially if the things that happen are "bad". For those of you who don't know, the rather oddly named Beer Central The Beer Central smiley is set to dissolve in less than two weeks. Sitting around with some of the "krew" on Sunday night it's clear there are so many memories held in that house...many of which were before my time but many of which were entertaining all the same. The gathering lacked the usual crassness which tends to emerge given the interactions between certain participants. For some house members it will be a return to an old familiar situation (with an extra member baby) for others it will be the start of something new, a new combination of people in a new home.

For me I am excited but also scared. This will be a new stage, a new step. It is indeed something that I have wanted for quite some time however, the full affair is bigger than what one can daydream. It will be a test of ourselves and our relationship and committment. We fear the same things but desire that which is similar. It's a natural process which is necessary for the longer term, something that we both wish to share together... It seems that much easier to preserve things for eternity if nothing goes forward despite the impracticalities. But yet that knowledge just doesn't fully overcome the irrational fears which haunt.. :-S



Mood: Content in Contemplation Content


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Thursday, April 13, 2006 23:55:53
'Changes...'
Changes

It's always interesting that time after everything has calmed down but before issues are resolved where one can enjoy the other's company but all topics that may lead to discussion about unhappy things are tentatively avoided. And things are all a bit like "hrrrmmm". ??? I am not sure I am satisfied with purpose of tonight.. I am not sure I am focused enough to deal with other things tomorrow. It really is not nice when things go out of whack and it is not good when I look at the clock and it is three minutes past midnight and the little sleep that I have had has been enough to make my patterns all out of whack. See these dark saggy, baggy non-sleep things under my eyes - well these are how much you mean to me!! baggy eyes exhaustion

Things are changing. Beer Central as it was called, will be a non-existant entity in close to a week's time. The future is somewhat uncertain... I wonder when I will again see the others and baby Zayne. This was not something I had invisaged happening, or at least not so soon. I certainly didn't think there would be an inconvenient gap in between. ergh This unsettlement is probably marked now that I can feel things properly again... I know this also sounds very coded but sometimes my entries are more intended for me than other people.

Shout out to Jo for this blog... got your invite today. Jeez you must have spent a pretty packet on them. They are not cheap! :-o For those of you who don't know Jo, she lives here or you can find her LJ in my links section. She was a friend of mine from school. I am not entirely sure how I came to know her... perhaps because she was a friend of someone else who was my buddy when I first came to the school. My memory is strangely fuzzy. Having met up with Jo again after a year and now being in our fourth year out of school, I was able to see the changes. She has indeed become a very confident, happy individual who has matured in many different aspects. If anything, we have a lot more in common than we were in school. I would add more here but I am tired. *yawn* But anyway, it was a great to catch up with her. *thumbs up*

Probably time for another random quiz

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test


Mood: Dissatisfied dissatisfied

Music: Max Graham vs. Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart (Radio Mix) Owner of a Lonely Heart (Radio Mix)


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Tuesday, April 11, 2006 22:23:21
'Everything goes to ****'
:'(

How ironic is life. There I am driving to training thinking about how I feel like life is pulling together in a few different ways and how I am waking up and just feeling pretty happy... Why is it just when things are so good they just go to complete total **** Why is it that those you love the most hurt you the most?? What the **** is with the silent treatment. That is so unfair. So unfair. I don't deserve that and I would never just leave without saying a word and then not answer the phone. NEVER I feel so hurt... so hurt... And what's with pulling the rug out from under my feet everytime I should happen to have a different opinion or defend myself??? I just want to curl into a ball and cease to exist. This is too hard. What is the point of life honestly? So much pain... so much pain.... so much pain...



Mood: Devastated :'(


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Sunday, April 09, 2006 21:17
'Grading Day'
Gradings Day

Today was an influential day. It was grading and it was a day alright. A lot of higher grades got through including on 70 yo gentleman who was once told by his original instructor that he would never grade again. :-O Other than some limitations in hip flexibility, he really was where he needed to be. *thumbs up* I was lucky to have the honour of assessing him.

Another lady graded today to 2nd kyu and I was almost overcome with emotion. It has been a while since I was that in touch with my emotional side that something brought tears to my eyes from joy. She wasn't expecting to grade so she was surprised which made it even more priceless. She's a lovely lady who puts in 110% every time she trains. It was a grade well deserved. :-D She told me after that it was because of me she got through - I was like wow! *blush* There was a part in the combinations where things got tricky and she was tired and looked like she might give. She caught my eye or maybe it was the other way around and we had a silent exchange (as instructors are not allowed to reassure students verbally) and told her over and over that she could do it when she was saying that she couldn't. She said that was what got her through. After that moment she finished the combinations and refocused and completed a lot of good strong kata. I was so proud of her, the way she brought it together and how much she put in. It was a very well deserved grade. yay

State team was afterwards and I got to watch the black belts doing kata and kumite. For a while things seemed so achievable. The spark is still alive deep down inside but its been so hard to bring it to the fore. I miss not having a rival, someone to compete with and better myself. Without some competition and a good atmosphere I am just gloating and my kumite confidence is just shot. It would be nice to be comfortable with myself. I feel like a moon or star or something like that which has lost the place of orbit and is floating aimlessly around in space... I would like to grade again some time too...



Mood: Melancholic melancholic


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Monday, April 03, 2006 21:14:50
'Miserable Frustration'
Miserable Frustration

Today has been part good and part bad. I got see my babe for a while this afternoon and for a while all was good and I could smile... *hugs* The other part of today consisted of me completely screwing up a scenario and again coming up against not getting much achieved...

I finished the epidemiology stuff and I admit that I didn't actually read some of the readings properly cause we weren't like to be tested on it and I really just wanted to get it over with. argh So I managed to speed my through the flash cards and get onto my assignment but unlike last time I got about a page and a half written. There is a lot that I still need to read into properly... The stress is mounting... I really need to get onto that epidemiological review. :-( I need to download some more stuff and read more... I should have got more done... :'( Why won't this all just go away...



Mood: Stressed & Depressed Stressed and depressed


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Sunday, April 02, 2006 21:25:24
'Inside Out'
Inside Out

I couldn't think of a batter way to describe the mix of thoughts and feelings going on for me at the moment. It's been a largely unproductive weekend. I lost a number of hours to the psychometric testing which you can read about here and then I opted to go and see my babe instead of going home to study. I am glad I did cause I'm missing him so much. The difficult part is not getting things done and consequently not getting on to finish my assignment like I had planned. In fact, I didn't even get onto Epidemiology cause I was thoroughly exhausted after spending the afternoon with Katie (my 2.5 y/o niece) that I went and did a scanty job on the left overs from my study guide. *sigh*

Feeling a tad burried by the workload. Next semester is going to be a pushover virtually with two timetabled units and next year... that will mainly be prac... but this semester is a lot of work. It's hard enough giving two nights to karate. I do need the time I have at home but I am desperate to spend time with my babe. It's all sooo... ergh... :-( I spend every night working hard from the moment I get home after some food to the moment I leave to have a shower... That's every night I am home and every weekend. Then I get it under control and it all starts again... It's tiring...

I feel bad about not getting more done this weekend... Anyways... it's new month now so if you think you've missed something from March you can check it out here..



Mood: I don't know *shrugs*


Lemming plays golf on the hard rule


Home